Barclays are twats
Posted on 3rd December 2009
Ever wonder why small businesses get pissed off with banks? No, me either, until I heard of Matt's (my flatmate) conversation with them, at which point I realised that if/when I ever start my own business, I'm going to have to keep my money under my mattress, and only pay for things in warm, slightly crumpled piles of £5 notes.
So I phoned Barclays as I don't get how the internet banking works out our balance, and wanted it clarified. That was all fine, then this happened...
Barclays : Also, can I just confirm that you've received the letter advising you your free banking is coming to an end?
Matt : Yes I did, I was meaning to speak about it. I haven't been receiving free banking, we've had a charge of £25 applied every month?
Barclays : Is that for business essentials?
Matt : Yes
Barclays : OK, that's for the software you got when you signed up with us
Matt : Oh right, I don't use that anymore, can I cancel that please?
Barclays : You've entered a 12 month contract, you can't cancel it now.
Matt : No problem, well I've had the account for nearly 12 months now anyway, so can you just make sure it doesn't renew?
Barclays : You'll have to call back when it expires in February, but we need a months notice or it will renew for the whole year.
Matt : Well can't I just give you 2 months notice by calling in December, like I'm doing right now?
Barclays : No sorry, it has to be one month before
Matt : Really?
Barclays : Yes
Matt : So it expires on the 12th February yeah?
Barclays : Yeah
Matt : And you're saying I can't cancel it now, but I also can't cancel it in February, I have to tell you a month before?
Barclays : Yes
Matt : So I can't tell you more than a month before, but if I tell you less than a month before, it renews for another year?
Barclays : Yes
Matt : So I have to phone you on the 12th January, I can't phone on the 11th?
Barclays : Oh no, you can call anytime in January
Matt : So it can be more than a months notice then can't it?
Barclays : What do you mean?
Matt : 1 month and 1 day is more than 1 month. I want to cancel it now, which is 1 month and several days. What's the difference?
Barclays : errrr sorry we can't take notice now
Matt : So what date can I call?
Barclays : Call in January
Matt : So on the 1st of January, what change happens that allows you to take notice from me, when at the moment you can't?
Barclays : Errrr, I'm not sure, it's just that we need around a months notice
Matt : And you don't think that's weird. So weird that it's probably wrong?
Barclays : .....
Matt : Never mind
Barclays : So anyway, as your free banking is expiring I've been asked to book you in for your annual review with your business account manager, would you be happy to do that?
Matt : Yeah sure, no problem
Barclays : So you'll have been with us for a year in February, so around then would be a good time for the meeting
Matt : Makes sense, how about the 3rd of February?
Barclays : OK, morning or afternoon?
Matt : How about 2pm?
Barclays : OK
Matt : Great, so if you just give me a call at exactly 2pm on January 3rd, I'll put that in my diary.
Barclays : I'm sorry?
Matt : I need exactly 1 months notice to book a meeting, I can't book any meeting more than a month in advance
Barclays : So you'd like me to call on January 3rd?
Matt : Yes, at exactly 2pm. Call any later and you won't have given me enough notice and I won't be able to see you for another year, any earlier and I won't be able to put it in my calendar so you'll just have to call back.
Barclays : .....
Matt : .....
Genius.
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